Choosing A Couples Therapist

Most therapists are well-meaning, but not always qualified to do marital/couple therapy. There are lots of therapists out there, and navigating through them can be confusing and daunting. When you are talking about your relationship, there is a lot at stake , so it is critical to find someone with the skill level needed to bring you to the point of feeling healthy and close again. If the experience is not a mutually positive one, you run the risk that one or both of you may incorrectly conclude that couple’s therapy cannot help or that the relationship is hopeless. This is rarely the case.

For many therapists, couple’s therapy is offered as part of a wide range of services. Too often, therapists say they do couples therapy or marital therapy if they have two people sitting in the office. This is incorrect. While there is some overlap in the skills needed for working with individuals and couples, the complexity and potential for intense feelings to get evoked in the couple relationship, require that a therapist possess a unique set of skills that only comes with extensive training and experience in the practice of couple’s therapy. A therapist can be very skilled as an individual therapist and be clueless about helping couples change.

For this reason, don't be shy. Ask your therapist about his or her training and experience.

Here are some guidelines to determine if he or she is qualified to help you with your relationship:

How much specific training in couple’s therapy does the therapist have?

This should include extensive training in at least one approach, and preferably Certification . I am certified in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy by the International Center of Excellence for Emotionally Focused Therapy. This requires in-depth training, supervision and videotaped approval of demonstrated competence in use of the method.

What is their approach to couple’s therapy?

A good couple’s therapist will have a clear road map and rationale for their approach and should be able to explain it in a way that makes sense to you. You should come away feeling like there is a specific plan rather than a vague answer about improving communication or spending more time together.

Emotionally Focused Therapy is an evidence-based approach developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, that has been proven to be highly effective at helping couples learn to express the more tender emotions that inevitably underlie the couple’s distress, thereby creating a deeper emotional bond. This approach is based on solid research of adult love relationships, and has a specific process for repairing and strengthening of the relationship.